This is by far the most intimidating aspect of your BTG journey. These relationships have always felt so delicate, one wrong move and a seemingly impenetrable wall will go up! This puts a lot of pressure on the partner hoping to share information with their loved one. This feels high stakes and terrifying. What if they aren’t receptive?
I want to help calm your fears with a few things.
First, yes, those walls have been real. I will not tell you that they’re not real, I remember them! I remember the days I had to hide the fact that I was seeking support, or that the visit from a church friend was just spontaneous when I had desperately called them to intervene. I remember being weary of bringing up any book or program because it would incite an unintended riot. I know it can be scary. Those walls have been so high because you have never spoken the same “language.” No matter how you delivered your messages in the past, the wrong language is the wrong language and it will not compute properly. It wasn’t your fault and as crazy as it seems, it’s not because your partner is simply a jerk. It’s all due to wiring and with BTG, you get to use the right language, which makes a HUGE difference.
Second, yes, it’s high stakes. And yes, we would like the first time you share to be the best possible scenario to help make your process as smooth as possible. However, you will be surprised at how you can mess up and try again another time. Think about it. Your relationship is a mess already and you’re both still here, you might be barely hanging by a thread, but people have reconnected after divorce because they learned about BTG. It 'aint over til it’s over. It’s not the end of the world if they reject it the first time. BTG isn’t going anywhere. You can always circle back to it. Most people need to see proof you are authentic before they believe or are receptive to what you say. That happens with time.
Third, Yes, BTG is your last stop. But please don’t let this freak you out. If your partner has prematurely declined or if you thought you have done things right and it “didn’t work”, I’m willing to bet there is still a language barrier happening. Talk to us. I will be honest and let you know if the relationship is dead. BTG helps in many facets, we help people heal even when they go their separate ways. We want to keep relationships together, but we will also be there to help you process a relationship that is truly beyond repair. We will support you in whatever path is best for you.
The Break in the Matrix
We have tried to instruct people. “Don’t do it when you first start”, “Don’t do it too early”, but also, “Don’t do it too late.” I know it’s been confusing for many of you. When is the right time? Even with a personal green light from us, (I have had one-on-ones with people and told them it was time) it’s still too terrifying for some to take the step. They are afraid of rocking the boat they finally got steady, and this feels too risky and scary.
Remember, halfway is NOT the goal. A relationship where your partner does NOT have the tools will NOT help them in the long run. They are drowning. You have improved yourself and that naturally has alleviated a LOT of stress regarding the relationship, but they NEED these tools themselves so they can process their WORLD that much better. A relationship where your partner doesn’t have the tools leaves the relationship one-sided. That’s fine when you are saving it, it’s not fine when you want a thriving one. When your partner is stabilizing, they will WANT to do more in the relationship. Giving them the tools is what allows them to be the person they WANT to be for you.
I want to give you some concrete measurements to let you know when you can confidently share so you can be as secure as possible.
Just last week, Sean and I were talking and we realized how the break in the matrix happened. We have always known it was a gift from God and everything aligned just perfectly. Our relationship was crap in general, but in that moment in time, everything aligned for a few minutes and I was able to deliver the earth-shattering information to him that changed his world and mine.
We have tried to create markers for people, like “you have to have had your breakthrough” or “the relationship needs to be stable” and yes, those are great guidelines and components but it’s very abstract.
At the time, it really felt like we were playing a slot machine and just scored all 7s and hit the jackpot. We’ve been trying to recreate that 5-Reel slot machine for others. We’ve been able to, but we were flying blind until last week when we realized the specific combination.
Here’s the key: Just like with everything in BTG, it boils down to the Well-Being Assessment Chart.
To get the “jackpot” and break the matrix that traps you both, you need to hit all “7’s” in the following areas for a moment in time.
Your overall well-being needs to be in the green or blue on the WBAC. (This means you are calm, clear-headed, and have big-picture perspective about your loved one. I was given that in the moment through inspiration and we had just come home from being spiritually filled at church.)
Your intellectual understanding regarding the BTG framework (black and white boxes, brain types, and what that truly means) needs to be in the green or blue- meaning you confidently understand it. (I was given this information by God in the moment and he watched the understanding settle on my face.)
Your partner’s well-being at the moment needs to be in the green or blue. (You need to catch them when they are calm, receptive, and not overwhelmed. This naturally begins to happen after you learn about them and are consistently using your tools. For us, I would always analyze and “tinker” in his mind after things calmed down. It was usually in a safe space like our bed, calm and non-combative).
Your relationship at the moment needs to be in the green or blue. There has to be a base foundation of love or at least commitment. (Our relationship in general was crappy due to so many episodes, but we wanted to get to the bottom of what was causing this strife in our lives. At times we hated each other and thought the hurt was intentional, but we had committed to God and our family that we were going to make it work.)
Your communication in the moment needs to be in the green or blue. (For me, I was given the words to say through inspiration from the Lord. We have worked hard to replicate the pattern for you all by using the Communication Companions.)
The time resource for both of you needs to be in green or blue, meaning you need to not feel pressured to rush the conversation. (We were relaxed after church, the kids were lying down for after church naps and we had time. We were not pressed for time.)
This is why it’s been so abstract for people to determine WHEN exactly is a good time. Some people do not get to the green or blue in their relationship until well after their own personal breakthrough, some people come to BTG and their relationship is already in the green or blue.
Some people come to BTG in a personal crisis (they are in the black) and so they must come to the green or blue first consistently before they can attempt to have a conversation.
Some people have a spouse who is perpetually in the black, it takes them a long time to line up those elements. There’s no telling how long it will take to get the break in the matrix, but this is the recipe.
Are you ready to break the matrix in your relationship and finally connect on a deeper level? Don't let fear hold you back. Reach out to us at BTG for guidance on aligning these elements and creating the perfect moment to share your journey. Join our community and transform your relationship today. The time is now—let’s make it happen together.
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